WEB [as in: World Wide Web] - LOGS [as in: diary, journal, captain's log of events, thoughts, ideas etc...] a hyphenated phrase twisted-as is our fashion- into it's own ubiquitous existence [in the form of a contraction] into a word that is fast-becoming synonymous with virtual reality which conveniently is associated with internet dependancy . A state in which, any creature with access to and the barest of knowledge of a computer can become a writer--whether good, bad or ugly.
If the great literary minds of our history could see us now I wonder what they'd say. I excitedly invision them reacting in much the same way a postal worker who's put in a few too-many hours, for a few too-many years. In our heroes would march with their loaded semi-automatic weapons and just start shooting. 'Fuck it all', they'd say. "You bastards don't know the first thing about struggling, about writing so...BLOG THIS, BITCH!
Hahahahaha... The thought of Emily Dickenson holding a machine gun and uttering this phrase sends me into roaring fits of laughter, not just because of the silliness of the handsome-ness of the woman and the militaristic coldness of such a weapon but at the absurdity in the fact that our society in general deserves it!
We've commended these great minds for their bravery in telling such fantastical stories and condemned them for boring us to tears with their numerous pages concerning one blade of grass. Now, after years of reading classics written by someone whose writing was their own sustainence we'd rather read the rantings of a shunned prom queen vowing that prince charming showed up wearing the wrong designer jacket [and good lord, didn't rent a limo for such an occasion, got drunk in the bathroom with his buddies before sweeping her off to a hotel room; where she demurely insists on feigning virtue but Johnny already told Joey about that night beneath the glow of a street light when she blew him into next friggin semester].
After all, now everyone is a writer. We can all write our own anecdotes, stories and comic relief bits. Pretty soon, printing presses will become obsolete. Who needs pages when we have screens on which information streams to us with rapidly increasing swiftness. We can now have a pen-pal or partner in any country in the world. We can send a picture to Austria with the click of a button. Wow, imagine the mail order Bride schemes nowadays...oh wait...friend finder...no imagination needed. Fuck actually having to do anything like go outside and play, meet someone by chance on a street corner and invest a dollar in a cup of coffee in some seedy diner listening to elevator music from the seventies while enjoying real-life conversation. I have an instant messenger now!
Wanna know how I'm feeling...fuck it...just read my blog, I'm too tired from not talking to talk with you right now.
The point is folks, that the computer cannot, nor should it, take the place of real, live conversation with those you care about or those you may someday care about. If anything, the Internet should be considered a means in which we can connect with others that otherwise we would be unable to do. Using the computer as the primary means of communication with folks you could just as easily have contact with…is well, bollocks. As for creative writing…well, your blogs may reach a lot of viewers but they aren’t immortal. Let’s remember that some things are best read in print. Talk to your friends and give your readers something to hold.
~Originally appeared in the Street Voice Newsletter, March-2006 Edition
Wednesday, March 1, 2006
The Joys of Being a Lesbian.
When my co-editor sent me his request for the subject matter of this month’s column, I nearly blew soda all over my desk. ‘He can’t be serious’, I thought. Serious he was which left me with a very interesting way at looking at my personal preference. I had numerous conversations with my queer comrades under the query “What are the joys of same sex relationships?”
We all came up with the most obvious points…
For instance… when I first “came out”, rather, when I first accepted and acknowledged my sexual preference I was insanely happy that I would never again have to stick a penis in my mouth. Performing oral sex on a man was the worst thing about hetero-sex. I could go into why but let’s not and say I did. Not surprisingly, the thought of performing oral sex on a woman is precisely the thing that makes heterosexual women cringe.
Then there’s the fact that to me, women are softer; emotionally, mentally, physically. Their skin and lips are softer, their demeanor is softer, and their emotional and mental state of being is softer (generally). Sure, there are women that are lovingly referred to as “ball-busters” who give off this “Fuck-Off” vibe. However, as one who enjoys the company of women who qualify in these categories [as far as the male perception goes] I think these women are driven and determined and wonderfully soft and imaginative when not dealing with morons.
There’s the home-court advantage thing. Truth of the matter is…a female is more apt to know what a woman needs. Period! The same can be said for men. I mean, who would know how to fix your car better; a mechanic or the guy that built your car? Women can understand a woman’s needs. A woman can understand the effects of PMS and menstruation, giving birth, mammograms, hysterectomies, menopause, and of course-the sensitivity of the clitoris and the g-spot. Why? Because we all share these thoughts, issues, events and concerns. Even a woman who has never given birth would have a better understanding of the event than a guy. That’s just common sense. The fact that the whole world isn’t gay on this logic alone surprises me sometimes.
Here’s a fun advantage: looking for a little “bathroom break”? Not that sex in a stall is all that romantic, but sometimes, we all get those urges to just FUCK right then and there wherever we happen to be. Heterosexual couples have to choose a bathroom and pray they don’t get busted entering or exiting. How embarrassing! Two women walking into a bathroom and even into the same stall isn’t going to get nearly so many glances or hollers. Hee hee.
In a homosexual relationship between two women there’s never an argument about the toilet seat. I can call my partner and ask her to pick up tampons without thrusting her into a panic over having to be seen in public purchasing said articles. Some women can share clothing, shoes and personal effects such as the same flowery smelling soaps colognes and make-up. Chances are there are no embarrassing moments involving the contents of the bathroom trash-can.
The truth is that upon thinking about it, the real benefits were limited. By this I mean that most of the joy in my life comes from the people involved in my life, the things I do and who I am as a person—not the way I or they identify myself-themselves. I can be just as miserable in a relationship with a woman as a woman can be with a man. The real joy in being a lesbian is being comfortable enough with myself to know that being a lesbian doesn’t make me more or less deserving of love, affection, respect or the occasional thump upside the head.
This little article has given me the affirmation that being gay is really just a small part of who I am. (Thanks Steve!) The biggest obstacle is to accept it and me for what it is and who I am. Who I want to/choose to commit to, fornicate with, share my life with in an intimate way is only a part of the bigger picture. Though it does shape some of my life, in the grand scheme of things it’s just a summer rain falling into the depths of the sea. Makes you wonder what the big deal is, doesn’t it?
~Originally appeared in the Street Voice Newsletter, Mar. 2006 Edition.
We all came up with the most obvious points…
For instance… when I first “came out”, rather, when I first accepted and acknowledged my sexual preference I was insanely happy that I would never again have to stick a penis in my mouth. Performing oral sex on a man was the worst thing about hetero-sex. I could go into why but let’s not and say I did. Not surprisingly, the thought of performing oral sex on a woman is precisely the thing that makes heterosexual women cringe.
Then there’s the fact that to me, women are softer; emotionally, mentally, physically. Their skin and lips are softer, their demeanor is softer, and their emotional and mental state of being is softer (generally). Sure, there are women that are lovingly referred to as “ball-busters” who give off this “Fuck-Off” vibe. However, as one who enjoys the company of women who qualify in these categories [as far as the male perception goes] I think these women are driven and determined and wonderfully soft and imaginative when not dealing with morons.
There’s the home-court advantage thing. Truth of the matter is…a female is more apt to know what a woman needs. Period! The same can be said for men. I mean, who would know how to fix your car better; a mechanic or the guy that built your car? Women can understand a woman’s needs. A woman can understand the effects of PMS and menstruation, giving birth, mammograms, hysterectomies, menopause, and of course-the sensitivity of the clitoris and the g-spot. Why? Because we all share these thoughts, issues, events and concerns. Even a woman who has never given birth would have a better understanding of the event than a guy. That’s just common sense. The fact that the whole world isn’t gay on this logic alone surprises me sometimes.
Here’s a fun advantage: looking for a little “bathroom break”? Not that sex in a stall is all that romantic, but sometimes, we all get those urges to just FUCK right then and there wherever we happen to be. Heterosexual couples have to choose a bathroom and pray they don’t get busted entering or exiting. How embarrassing! Two women walking into a bathroom and even into the same stall isn’t going to get nearly so many glances or hollers. Hee hee.
In a homosexual relationship between two women there’s never an argument about the toilet seat. I can call my partner and ask her to pick up tampons without thrusting her into a panic over having to be seen in public purchasing said articles. Some women can share clothing, shoes and personal effects such as the same flowery smelling soaps colognes and make-up. Chances are there are no embarrassing moments involving the contents of the bathroom trash-can.
The truth is that upon thinking about it, the real benefits were limited. By this I mean that most of the joy in my life comes from the people involved in my life, the things I do and who I am as a person—not the way I or they identify myself-themselves. I can be just as miserable in a relationship with a woman as a woman can be with a man. The real joy in being a lesbian is being comfortable enough with myself to know that being a lesbian doesn’t make me more or less deserving of love, affection, respect or the occasional thump upside the head.
This little article has given me the affirmation that being gay is really just a small part of who I am. (Thanks Steve!) The biggest obstacle is to accept it and me for what it is and who I am. Who I want to/choose to commit to, fornicate with, share my life with in an intimate way is only a part of the bigger picture. Though it does shape some of my life, in the grand scheme of things it’s just a summer rain falling into the depths of the sea. Makes you wonder what the big deal is, doesn’t it?
~Originally appeared in the Street Voice Newsletter, Mar. 2006 Edition.
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