Algebra Equation.

I was asked recently, if I thought that having sex would put a "relationship" into perspective. I said "Yes, I do". I damn well meant it too. Sex can give you a plethora of information about a person and about the chemistry between partners. Period.

The sex doesn't even have to be good. Shit happens. I had a friend, years ago, who told me that the first time her and her boyfriend had sex, he was so drunk that nothing much was happening. It was the grace with which he handled the situation that made the memory so special for her. "We are judged more critcally on our reactions than we are our actions." Because he was capable of reacting to an embarrassing situation in a postive way, my friend adored him for it. He proved to be, for the most part, equally as capable of such outside the bedroom.

Clearly, the point is not to get answers to questions like, "am I the best you've ever had?" or "what random STD can I contract from a random hook-up?". However, if the question is "are we compatible intimately?" I'd say, sex would supply more than a few answers. The problem is that the answers do not always match their intentions.

I mean, let's say for instance, that the person you're having sex with insisted upon taking a shower prior to the activity. Let's say you're the person that takes one to two showers a day and maintain your cleanliness throughout the day so as not to require such. Or maybe you're a cuddler and the other person isn't. Quiet vs. Loud, etc. The possibilities are endless. Any one of these differences could cause a problem.

Who knows? Maybe things start and you find that neither of you can go through with it. Maybe you just start giggling so much you eventually just give up and pass out. There aren't any garauntees that sex even occurs just because you're going to try.

Getting into that position can be tricky. The process resembles a game of Chess. You're counting on half chance and half skills. There are cues for everything, if one is paying attention. Reaction counts for everything. There are no do-overs. It's like dating, only much more complex.

The biggest hurdle is reading the other person because after all, first you have to find out if the other person is willing. They aren't going to come out and agree. Even if they did, they may still choose not to. My standard rule is, I'll throw the bait but the first move is on them. It's one of the few things I'm adamant about. I've heard too many "I was drunk, I didn't understand fully, I hadn't ever intended to..." stories. The whole thing sounds creepy and I do not wish to be a part of all that.

Once you've determined the amount of interest the other person has, you must carefully consider your options and movements forward. Let's face it, unless it's abandon ship, the possibilities are endless. What you want may never happen. You may not even get close. It's all a gamble. The risks are all your own. It's not an easy cat & mouse game. It can be short and sweet or long and drawn out. You may get the inevitable shoot down before even stepping up to the plate. The whole thing may crash and burn in an ugly direction. Still, if it does happen, the experience will stimulate thoughts on the matter.